Tapping Into Possibilities

Thanksgiving Day Every Day

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There have been numerous posts, blogs and articles in recent weeks about Thanksgiving Day and gratitude and even more about food, food, food but I’m thinking bigger, much bigger.

Every day is Thanksgiving or at least it should be.

Thanks: to express gratitude, appreciation or acknowledgement, a grateful feeling.

Giving: to give a gift, to present voluntarily without expecting something in return.

Gratitude: the quality or feeling of being thankful or of appreciation

When someone does or says something nice for you or to you, how does that make you feel?

So if you are still feeling full as I am from the feast last Thursday, consider the following:

Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life Rumi

Nothing to be grateful for? Consider what the great American jazz trumpeter and singer Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong (1901-1971) had to say in his 1967 classic What a Wonderful World.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3yCcXgbKrE

Happy thanks giving days to you and to all whom you love.

 

Why Meditate?

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Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you. Nathaniel Hawthorne (19thc novelist)

In my last post, Angeles Arrien spoke about “the sweet territory of stillness” as the place where we explore the mystery, the unknown.

Whether you believe it’s where you “hear” God, are in touch with your Divine Source, your intuition, or just your “gut”, this is the place some old stuff may come up, some brilliant idea may bubble to the surface or even some crazy/weird stuff. For example, last week while sitting in stillness I knew I needed to apologize to a cousin for a mistake I made 40 years ago!

This is one reason I practice mindfulness meditation every day for 5-20 minutes. While I’m not the mountain climbing explorer like my sister-in –law, I, too, am an explorer. Sometimes it’s more difficult, both literally and figuratively, when less than joyful memories and emotions rise to the surface but even then the clarity, the pearl of wisdom, the “ah ha” are all welcome.

Rumi, 13thc (1207-1273) Persian (now Tajikistan) poet, theologian and Sufi mysticobviously said it far better than I have in The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and attend them all: even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of all its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

But if you need the science stuff to motivate you to give silence and stillness a try……

A recent 2018 study at Michigan Technological University in Houghton showed reduced anxiety in 11 of 14 participants in just one hour. Dr. John Duroucher, PhD., one of the co-authors said the participants also showed cardiac/heart rate benefits which should decrease stress on both the brain and kidneys.

Whether you call it sitting in stillness or mindfulness meditation, remember it’s a “practice” that takes practice and patience but that butterfly will alight if you give it a chance.

Disclaimer: The information provided here is for educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for medical counseling. InLightened Wellness does not treat, prevent, cure, or diagnose any disease or ailment.

 

 

Anxious? Depressed? Four Questions

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Dispirited or Disheartened?

Last week in a yoga dance class at Kripalu, the teacher read us the following as an introduction to what we would experience in the class.

“In many shamanic societies, if you visited medicine women or men, complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of the following questions:

When did you stop dancing?

When did you stop singing?

When did you stop being enchanted by stories and poetry?

When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?

Could this actually be the cure, the resolution, for anxiety and depression?

Talk about a huge “ah ha”.

I wanted to know more; I needed to know more.

So as usual, it’s down the rabbit hole for me searching for answers.

She said this was written by Gabrielle Roth quoting Angeles Arrien. That’s it. Well, I knew that Gabrielle Roth was a writer, dancer, urban shaman but I had no idea who Angeles Arrien was. But knowing what I know now, I certainly wish I had.

Angeles Arrien was a cultural anthropologist, educator and author. She wrote The Four Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary (1993).

Her research focused on the values and beliefs shared by humanity cross-culturally and on the “integration and application of multicultural wisdoms in contemporary settings”.

Meaning, her work revealed how indigenous wisdoms are relevant to our 24/7 hour 21stcentury world.

She was a gifted teacher, known for her wisdom, authenticity and compassion, who moved on from this world in 2014.

Her friends say she embodied each of the four archetypes she taught about: the Leader, the Healer, the Visionary, and the Teacher.

Her workshops bridged cultural anthropology, psychology and comparative religions to those seeking to live a purposeful, ethical and service oriented life.

Her workshops embraced 4 principles:

Show Up, Choose to Be Present

Follow what has Heart & Meaning

Tell the Truth Without Blame or Judgement

Be Open to Outcome, NOT Attached to Outcome

 

But I digress, back to the quote…..

In an interview several years before she died, she explains that in traditional cultures if you were disheartened or dispirited, the shaman, the medicine man, the holy man would ask

When did you stop dancing?

When did you stop singing?

When did you stop being enchanted by stories and poetry?

When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?

And whenever/wherever that happened, is when you began to experience “soul loss” or “loss of spirit”.

And that’s when you “stopped bringing your voice forward”, “lost your connection to your body’s wisdom”, “lost your connection to your Fire, your Heart” and “when you began to mistrust the mystery, the unknown”.

Take to heart the video attached and start singing, start dancing, listen to the stories, tell your story and embrace the stillness.

https://youtu.be/HUJQlVeGZzY

 

Disclaimer: The information provided here is for educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for medical counseling. InLightened Wellness does not treat, prevent, cure, or diagnose any disease or ailment.

It Is Better To Give Than To Receive…..Or Is It?

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Whenever I hear the phrase: it is better to give than to receive, I can’t help but ask the question, which came first the chicken or the egg?

There are several Bible verses espousing that it is better to give than to receive, including:

“Give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over will be put in your lap. For with the measure you use it, will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:38)

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

It really is so much easier to give than to receive. We do, do , do. We give, give, give. And we are taught, the more we give, the more we’ll receive.

But all this going and doing  is exhausting. Maybe it’s harder to receive because we haven’t been taught to receive.

Receiving is definitely not taking.

Receive: To have something bestowed, to take into one’s possession, to hold, bear, contain

Frankly, these definitions, don’t do this powerful word justice.

A gem of a book, The Power of Receiving (2009) by Amanda Owen changed my perspective about giving and receiving and the importance of valuing receiving as much as giving as the only way to restore balance in our crazy, hectic lives.

“While the Giver archetype is celebrated in our culture, the Receiver is almost wholly unknown. The result? Busyness is a virtue.” ~Amanda Owen

But back to age old question about the chicken and the egg. This ancient dilemma dates back to Aristotle (384-322 bc) who actually avoided answering the question. In Genesis 1:21, the chicken came first.  “So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.”

In both Buddhism and Hinduism, neither came first, “hold that there is a wheel of time, meaning that there is no first in eternity. Time is cyclical. There is no creation.”

And then Stephen Hawking argued the egg came first, and evolutionary evidence say it’s the egg, and  DNA says the chicken came before the chicken egg as the chicken came from a mutated proto-chicken egg and so on it goes.

Bottom line: You can’t have a chicken or an egg without the other and that also applies to giving and receiving.

Think of giving and receiving as a gate that must swing both ways.

Receiving is harder to do….accept that compliment, accept that offer of help.So how do you grease those hinges so the gate swings easily and effortlessly in both directions?

The easiest way to begin exercising and stretching those receive muscles is practicing gratitude.

Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that               as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart.                            Sarah Ban Breathnach

Gratitude: A feeling, emotion or attitude of thankfulness or appreciation. The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation.

And the easiest way to do that is keep a gratitude journal. More on that soon.

Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. Rabindranath Tagore

 

 

 

Mindfulness Meditation – Exercising Our Receive Muscles

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 Explore the idea of receiving with our breath and exercising our receive muscles.

There are many Active words in our vocabulary:Analyze, think, evaluate, talk, DO.

Receiving is a passive word. To receive we must just BE.

Today we will just BE, exploring the receptive state and receiving whatever comes.

 

 

Credits:

The Power of Receiving by Amanda Owen (2009)

Music:The Silent Path by Robert Haig Coxon

 

Exploring the Pause – Part I

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Eighteen months ago I picked up Thomas L. Friedman’s new book, Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist’s Guide to Thriving in the Age of Acceleration.

Acceleration– the act or process of moving faster or happening more quickly.

We all know the feeling, especially now in our 24/7 world; and as Friedman wrote, “uncertain and uncomfortable” but “can also be exhilarating”

Friedman went on to write, “In such a time, opting to pause and reflect, rather than panic or withdraw, is a necessity. It is not a luxury or a distraction – it is a way to increase the odds that you’ll better understand, and engage productively with, the world around you.”

His friend, Dov Seidman, said to him, “but what matters most is what you do in the pause.” He added, “Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: “in each pause I hear the call”.

Coming across this RWE quote was an “ah ha” moment for me and literally made me pause.

Pause is an interesting word. I wanted to know more.

I used the quote, as written above, in one of my practice meditations for my Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training (MTT) in reference to the breath.

But I was so curious about the quote, it sent me down a rabbit hole.

To begin, I researched this quote wondering what poem this came from and at what age he wrote it in his 60+ years of published writing.

“In each pause we heard the call” is actually what RWE wrote, not the often quoted, “in the pause, I hear the call”.

These are actually the words of a bored student at Harvard in 1818 doodling in his journal.

“How Drearily in College Hall the Doctor stretched the hours. But in each pause we heard the call of robins out of doors”.

Pause– a temporary stop or rest, a hesitation, to dwell or to linger, a temporary inaction

The pause/ the silence, whether in conversation, activities, in action or in meditation can be awkward and uncomfortable.

We are taught to fill the silence, the pause, the void. We are taught when we are together we must talk. There is actually a phobia of silence, Sedatephobia (Sedate: silent, sleeping, dead. Phobia from Phobos, the God of Fear and Dread) .

A 2011 Dutch study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found, “even a brief silence or awkward pause can trigger feelings of rejection” and that a pause of just four (4) seconds in a conversation can make one feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I choose rather to embrace the pause whether it’s the pause in a conversation or the pause between breaths.

Silence is a source of great strength. Lao Tzu

Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom. Francis Bacon

That pause, that silence isn’t emptiness or nothingness.                                                        Imagine this space between as a world of possibilities

In one of my favorite books, The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman (2011), she wrote,

“Perhaps it is possible to discover more in silence than in speech. Or perhaps it is only those who are silent among us, learn to listen.”

Listen to the whisper in the pause. Listen to the robin’s  singing in the pause. Let me know what you hear.

 

 

 

Exploring the Pause – Part II

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I publish this with trepidation.  I am afraid to put this out there. It isn’t perfect, far from it.  This is one of my practice meditations from 18 months ago when I was doing my Mindfulness Meditation Teacher training. I could have cleaned it up, made it more “professional”, re -recording it but I didn’t. Rather than procrastinating because it’s not perfect, I’m just putting it out there.

There is a short “dharma” talk at the beginning explaining the quote and a meditation. Make yourself comfortable and explore and enjoy the pause.

 

 

Books, Glorious, Books

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Or Portable Magic as Stephen King would say.

 

I have a stack of books that grows and shrinks, as if alive, but never goes away.

I have 2-3 books in circulation at all times. Some take take just days to finish, others weeks even months.

I like to learn something new every day, something that stirs my imagination or makes me have an “ah ha” moment or cry or just laugh.

Or as Anna Quindelen put it in, How Reading Changed My Life,

Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination,                                     and the journey. They are home.

I have my morning books, my books for personal and spiritual development. Ones that help me expand my world, my appreciation, my awe, that affirm or rock my belief systems, that make me grateful that I am in the here and now.

And I have my evening books which are often fiction but always for relaxation, entertainment, escape, that take me across the world, across time, that explore human nature.

And there is often the mid day readhing (books/journals/articles/studies) for personal and professional development in my field (and sometimes not) because there is always more to learn and better ways to communicate and share.

Is this a luxury or a necessity that I do this? In my book, it’s definitely the latter.

No Time? Not an excuse in my book. One less TV show is all you need, especially the news, because it’s usually always bad news. If there is something you really need to know, believe me, someone will tell you.

Reading is about taking flight in your imagination, observing, discovering, exploring your world both inside and out.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. Henry Ford

I think of reading as part of my anti-aging regimen and definitely as a component of keeping my mental body healthy.

What I’m reading this week:

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

Ourageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead by Tosha Silver

In the Flow: Bridging The Science and Practice of Mindfulness by Deborah Norris, PhD.

Can you guess which is one is morning, noon and night?

 

Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is not intended to substitute for medical counseling. InLightened Wellness does not treat, prevent, cure, or diagnose any disease or ailment.

 

 

 

Regrets Only

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This post really has nothing to do with manners and everything to do with forgiveness

Or maybe it does.

Manners – a way in which a thing is done, a person’s outward bearing                                      or way of behaving towards others.

For some reason, this phrase, Regrets Only, has been haunting me, dogging me for months.

A few months ago I read a book, Before You Wake: Life Lessons from a Father to his Children, by Erick Erickson, who is considered by some to be the “most powerful conservative in America today” (The Atlantic), not someone I would typically read!

This is not a book review by any means but one paragraph has stuck with me, hence my obsession with Regrets Only.

“What I have learned about regret is we either control it or it controls us. What we do with regret is part of what makes us. We either learn lessons and move on or we let it weigh us down. Life is too short to hold on to things. It is too short not to forgive, because forgiving others means they can no longer control you. Life is too short to be buried by regrets. Learn the lessons from what you regret and move on. Appreciate what you have. Find the silver lining. Above all else, show others the grace and mercy they may not show you. There will be others who will never forgive. They will not forget. They will remind you and call you a hypocrite. But you must show them grace. It elevates you, and it is a reminder that we all do things we should not.” (p67)

Why is it so hard for some to say they’re sorry, to ask for forgiveness, to look for that silver lining (and yes, I know sometimes you have to look really, really hard), to let those regrets go, to move on?

I, for one, am choosing to let those old hurts and regrets go. Life really is too short.

“Forgiveness is the magnet which draws your endless good. It wipes clean the slate of the past to let you receive in the present.” Catherine Ponder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

R.S.V.P or Regrets Only … Perhaps a Metaphor for Life

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My mother, Martha Wills, would have been 98 yesterday and even though she moved on 26 years ago, I still remember her so clearly saying on the day my first child was born, “Good manners are the best gift you can give your child.  They don’t cost you anything; it just as easy to say please or thank you or look a person in the eye as not too, but you get so much mileage from that.”

And though I hate to admit, that advice came over 40 years ago, it could not be more true today than it was then.

Manners – a way in which a thing is done, a person’s outward bearing                                                  or way of behaving towards others.

Whether it’s a firm handshake or looking someone in the eye, whether it’s a handwritten thank you note or a please or a thank you or an “I’m so grateful” or an  apology, wouldn’t you like to be on the receiving end? So is it really that hard to be on the giving end?

Respondez, s’il vous plait. Please respond. Yes, I know this is about responding to or regretting a social invitation but why not think about it in terms of how you choose to live your life, how you choose to interact, or not, with others.

If someone pushes your button, take a couple deep calming breaths and say silently to yourself:

Breathing in, I choose to Respond.  Breathing out, Not React.

More on Regrets Only next time but for now consider the Golden Rule from the Brahman/Hindu translation,

This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause                                    you pain if done to you.         Mahabharata 5:1517.