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The Golden Rule

August 4, 2016 By admin Leave a Comment

A family member has chosen to launch an attack on our family in a public forum under the guise of a “lyrical essay”. It has taken me hours of internal wrestling this week not to launch the nuclear codes because someone said unkind things about my family, hence me.

So my response to my hurt feelings, to my family member and to anyone and everyone (including Donald) is my own “lyrical essay” on The Golden Rule

With all the recent talk about civility (or lack there of), I could not help but think of The Golden Rule. The awful things people say to each other, and about each other, these days makes me cringe. I believe you can be honest and critical without being hurtful, without taking cheap shots. The pent up hostility and anger of so many is rather scary.

And then I think of The Golden Rule. What if just for today you were slow to anger, you were kind, you remembered The Golden Rule?”

Did you know that every religion/culture has the exact same Golden Rule? For example, in the Buddhist Udana-Varga,” Hurt not others in ways that you yourself find hurtful”. In the Islamic Sunnah, “No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself”. In the New Testament, Matthew 7:12, “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them; for this is the law and the prophets”. And my favorite, because there is so much commentary these days, every one has to have the last word, from the Talmud, Shabbat, “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary”.

Just imagine if The Golden Rule became the law of man, think what it would do for your stress levels, your health, your family, the world?”

While I’m sure most of you are familiar with the great American illustrator and painter, Norman Rockwell, I was not familiar with his painting The Golden Rule until I visited The Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge MA this past June. The GIMG_2184[1]olden Rule appeared on the cover of The Saturday Evening Post on April 1, 1961 and was reimagined as a mosaic and given to the United Nations from the United States in 1985. Rockwell was a compassionate man and considered himself to be a “citizen of the world”. I work everyday to become one as well and use this picture as a reminder.

 

 

 

Easy Stress Relieving Tip (and believe me, I did this a lot this week): Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thick Nhat Hanh, one of my favorite authors, has a mantra, Breathing In I am calming myself, Breathing Out I am smiling, Breathing In I am determined to practice deep listening. Breathing Out I am determined to practice loving speech.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Life and Death of a Family Friend …..and Some Lessons Learned

March 3, 2016 By admin Leave a Comment

Sasha joined our family on September 7, 2001 after I lost the battle with my strong willed, then 7 year old, daughter Martha. We’d been visiting the local shelters for a month looking for a young dog, NOT a puppy. I knew we’d “know” when we found our dog. Martha pushed and prodded for us to just look at this one puppy she’d discovered. Big ears, big feet, covered in poop and those speckled socks that never ceased to charm all who met her, I picked up this 4 month old Australian Shepherd mix who immediately leaned in to me, laid her head on my shoulder and my heart melted.

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14 ½ years later my heart is melting again as we bid our dear friend farewell.

Sasha had been rescued from a barn at 6 weeks but this “kill” shelter didn’t follow protocol knowing that July and August are slow months for placing animals and that she was special, that she would find her forever home.

 

From the beginning she was always where the family was, sometimes inconveniently in the bathroom, and remained slim and trim from herding dogs and kids at the park and following everyone up and down stairs multiple times a day until she couldn’t.

 

Sashawestva

She loved her excursions to the woods in West VA and the beach. She loved the car until she didn’t when she could no longer get in on her own.

 

 

But we got one last fun visit to the beach where she ran on the beach forgetting for a bit her failing legs.FullSizeRenderbeach[6]

She never met a person or a dog she didn’t like. She greeted all with a wagging tail, a sniff and a kiss.

 

 

At 7 she was hit by a car in front of our house. It was my fault. I was talking to a neighbor across the street and Sasha darted across the street to say hello as well. Several ruptured organs, several surgeries (don’t ask the cost, it was money well spent) but she made a full recovery with the caveat that this type of traumatic injury would shorten her life. She had another healthy 7 years, comfortable and fully ambulatory until she wasn’t. First the hearing went, then the vision, then the back legs, then the will to make the trips upstairs to sleep by our bed or to get in the car.

We have been preparing for this day since September when she couldn’t stand on her own. With the help of steroids, she has had a comfortable and good, not great, 5 months but steroids wreak havoc on one’s hormones and liver. This week we knew the time had come to say goodbye.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

I have been blessed by her presence. We all need a dog to teach us a few lessons to make us better people, better parents, better friends. Patience (with unruly kittens and toddlers), Loyalty (always waiting at the door), Forgiveness (“All is Forgiven, I Still Love You” her beautiful brown eyes always said to me, even when I’d acted out in frustration or anger), Play (work is overrated, play ball and have some fun, play with our wonderful mailman Louis who patiently put one letter at a time through the mail slot for her to grab but never destroy) and, of course, Love.

Unable are the loved to die for love is immortality.” Emily Dickinson

 Our pets provide some of the happiest moments in our lives and their unconditional love and loyalty ease us through some of our unhappiest moments. 14 years in a family are an awful lot of ups and downs, wins and losses and transitions and milestones. A four legged friend makes them all better, easier, happier or less painful and I am grateful for each one she shared with us.

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” Rumi, 13th c Persian poet & theologian

I am grateful that we did not have to make a final car ride, that our gentle and kind vet came to us so that our sweet Sasha drifted away peacefully in the home she has so enriched.

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 The song is ended but the melody lingers on.” Irving Berlin

 

Today May Be For Lovers But Everyday Should Be For Love

February 15, 2016 By admin Leave a Comment

Today is a day for love. Advertising and businesses and the media have told us, trained us, brainwashed us that today is the day for love and lovers.

Forget it. Everyday is a day for love, for loving kindness, or at least it should be.

One kind word can warm three winter months.” Japanese Proverb

Forget the candy. Forget the cards. Forget the present or the fancy dinner.

A kind word is the greatest gift. A gift you can give and receive everyday, even to yourself. The gift that keeps on giving.

You can search through out the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and affection.” Gautama Buddha

LET THE SUN SHINE IN

February 11, 2016 By admin Leave a Comment

In the good old days before Edison’s invention of the light bulb, our lives modeled nature. We rose with the sun and went to bed when it was dark. In the shorter days of winter we rested and restored like the trees that drop their leaves, slow down and send their energy down into their roots or like the animals who hibernate.

Liberman explains clearly throughout his book, Light: The Future of Medicine,  “how the cycles of human lives relate to the cycles of our environment” or at least should and that we are designed to respond to them just as plants and animals do. However, since we now live in a 24/7 world that never goes to sleep, it has become harder and harder to honor our natural rhythms, cycles and seasons. This modern day lifestyle of working indoors, artificial light, sunglasses, sunscreen, not slowing down in the winter time in spite of the shorter hours of sunlight has led to millions feeling down and out in the winter time, the “winter blues”.

What was “once a time of year when nature assisted our inner growth by supporting us in going into the unlit aspects of our souls, has now become a time of depression and sadness dreaded by many.”

French physician, J.F. Cauvin, wrote his PhD thesis on the benefits of sunlight for the “sad and weak” in 1815 (p121). As the human population expanded northward away from equator combined with the onset of industrialization (cities, artificial light, working indoors), the reports of a winter melancholy grew. Northeast snowbirds going to FL in the 20th c have nothing on the northern Europeans traveling to the south of France and Italy in the 19th c. Intuitively humans have known they need light even if they didn’t understand why.

Symptoms such as depression, sleeping more, eating more, gaining weight, decreased libido, personality changes, decreased energy, poor concentration, social withdrawl, brain fog and fatigue are typical of what was simply called the “winter blues” but it wasn’t until 1980-1981 that we understood the physiological reason for these mood changes and a name was actually given to this group of symptoms.

In 1980 we finally understood the importance of melatonin secreted by the pineal gland. Dr.’s Alfred Lewy and Thomas Wehr “discovered that bright light could suppress the nighttime secretion of melatonin” while working at the NIH’s Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). This discovery led to the conclusion that bright artificial light could counter balance the effects of the shorter days of winter and that if our moods are regulated by melatonin and our melatonin is regulated by the pineal and the pineal is regulated by light then our best anti-depressant is light .

At about the same time, Dr. Norman Rosenthal, a psychiatrist, put a name to this group of symptoms who was also working at the NIMH. This melancholy that had been referred to in literature since the early 1800’s was named Seasonal Affective Disorder in 1981. Not only did Rosenthal and his team name this disorder but pioneered the use of “light therapy” for it’s treatment.

Since the majority of sufferers (and the estimate is around 25-35 million Americans) are not likely to make all the lifestyle changes that could alleviate the symptoms such as moving to the tropics, a light box used primarily in the morning hours that mimics the sun at high noon can help reset the body’s clock and increase the production of serotonin. “Bright light treatment has been scientifically documented by so many different controlled studies internationally that it is considered the treatment of choice for SAD” (p124).

Lack of light has psychological effects beyond wintertime SAD. Non seasonal depression, eating disorders particularly bulimia, addictions, detoxification and withdrawl, PMS emotional symptoms and plain old garden variety stress and anxiety all respond to the introduction of bright light and are most likely caused or at least worsened by the lack of light.

New York psychiatrist Victor Frankel in the 1960’s (years before melatonin and the pineal gland were given their rightful place of importance and SAD was acknowledged as real) found different colored lights triggered memories and stress and that the right (for that individual) colored lights relieved and removed the negative memories and stress. He hypothesized that “removing stress from the mind not only reduces disease but also unleashes human creativity”.

Quite by accident in the early 1970’s Dr. Irving Geller, a Texas pharmacologist, discovered what he called, “darkness induced drinking phenomenon”. When a light timing device broke in his lab that didn’t turn the lights on and off as programmed, his rats went on alcohol drinking binges. Further studies showed increased levels of melatonin lead to an increased desire for alcohol. Now we know why cocktail lounges are always so dim and dark!

Some may think love makes the world go round as the song says, but is truly is Light that makes your world go round.

 

The body is the most brilliant computer that was ever designed. There will never be a computer smarter than the human body. Given the proper encouragement and the proper information, the body heals itself.” Hanna Kroeger, ND

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CLEARING CLUTTER FOR CLARITY

February 1, 2016 By admin Leave a Comment

I haven’t had one idea, one “ah ha moment” or an inkling for what to write about for months until today.

What do I blame the block on? CLUTTER.

I am not a hoarder; I’m not even a collector of “collectibles” and my tabletops and counters are basically clear except for my home office. I have an office and a desk that are dragging me down with piles of so many interesting articles I want to read and write about and bills to file (fortunately they are all paid) and taxes to organize and new and old photos that need a home. You get the picture.

I am the poster child for Cluttered Environment/Cluttered Mind.

I don’t know about you, but my biggest stressor is disorganization and clutter. It gives me headaches, makes me tired, unmotivated and feeling scattered.

I’m not the only one in the house who can’t let things go which simply compounds the problem. Do you have unfinished work, unfinished projects, unanswered mail, magazines, catalogues, fat clothes, skinny clothes, books to read or reread? Do you have duplicates or triplicates of things? How about the 20 packs of sandpaper we discovered when cleaning our garage or the new in box keyboard in a storage box labeled Home Improvements.

Whatever it is that you have too much of, it’s like carrying an extra 25 lbs that your body doesn’t want or need.  It weighs you down, tires you out and definitely cramps your style.

Years ago I read the book Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks and the title of one chapter has stuck with me, haunted me, for years: Clearing Clutter for Clarity. I know it, I believe it and yet I still have so much trouble letting things go. Don’t we all?

You’ve got to get rid of something in order to make room for some thing new, literally and figuratively.

When we clear the physical clutter from out lives, we literally make way for good, orderly direction to enter.”                                        Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

Yes, the time has come to face what I’ve been procrastinating about for way too long. What if I get rid of it and I need it sometime? I don’t have  enough time. No more excuses.

There are many helpful books on clearing clutter for clarity including The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (45 weeks on the best seller list) and many incredible professional organizers but they weren’t what got me going at 7pm on a Saturday night.

The key to my success was good music and no internet or email or cell phone.

Did you know that the feel good, pleasure related hormone dopamine is released when you listen to your favorite music? A Canadian study from McGill University found that dopamine is released as soon as we think about our favorite tunes.

I had such fun listening to some of my favorite Motown music that the time flew by.

Books to donate, a large bag of trash, 4 bags of paper for the recycling truck on Monday, an empty shelf, an empty drawer and this post. Not bad for less than 4 hours.

How do I feel? Lighter, clearer, more focused and ready to tackle a closet or two tomorrow.

Out of clutter, find simplicity.” Albert Einstein

 

 

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

August 18, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Is this article in today’s Washington Post a “Known Unknown” or an “Unknown Unknown”. I think the latter. But I am always excited to learn about both.

The benefits of LED Light Therapy for reducing pain and increasing circulation are a Known Unknown.

“Known unknowns result from phenomena which are recognized, but poorly understood. On the other hand, unknown unknowns are phenomena which cannot be expected because there has been no prior experience or theoretical basis for expecting the phenomena.”

The benefits of LED Light Therapy are known and recognized in scientific circles and include many 100’s of studies on LLLT (low level light therapy)  but are mostly unknown by the general public.

This exciting discovery about the brain’s lymphatic system…..meaning the brain has a way to get the garbage out……is an Unknown Unknown….new to everyone.

What is particularly exciting to me is the possibility that this Unknown Unknown may enable a Known Unknown (that light therapy increases circulation wherever the light is placed) to become a Known Known  (red and near infrared light therapy can penetrate the skull, increasing circulation to the brain, bringing nutrients in and taking garbage out, alleviating the symptoms of many problems affecting the brain).

“Scientists find the brain’s missing ‘pipes’ by Amy Ellis Nutt

brainimages

“Throw out the textbooks” and “missing link” are words rarely heard anymore in science, but that’s what researchers around the world are saying about the recent discovery of microscopic lymphatic vessels connecting the brain to the immune system…….Click to read more…….. Scientists find the brain’s missing ‘pipes’

 

 

 

“Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns- the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” 
― Donald Rumsfeld, 2002

 

How to survive 25 Years of Marriage……..

June 11, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

The crazy thunderstorms last night that came and went as though nothing had happened were a great metaphor for my marriage which I gratefully honor today.

What I’ve learned, what we’ve learned (and not without great resistance) is

            Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff                                         

              (great little gem of a book, by the way, by Richard Carlson)

And

“I choose to respond (not react)”

(the most important lesson learned from The Presence Process  by Michael Brown)

 

Or Most Importantly

“Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow, come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a great tree in the midst of them all.”

Buddha’s Little Instruction Book

 The ups and downs of any relationship are like storms that come and go.

As Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening, “ the storm by it’s nature wants to move on, and the tree’s grace is that it has no hands”

How to survive 25 Years of Marriage…..Be a Tree

Falling…..in Gratitude

March 12, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Today I am so grateful for being able to hold a pen in my right hand and to write.

Last Monday I was doing my typical multi tasking and rushing. I still had to walk my dog before rushing to the gym and I was late, as usual. We’d had another of Washington DC’s weird snow, ice, freezing rain storms on Sunday. The side walks were sheets of ice but the streets were clear, or so they appeared.

Sidebar: “Things aren’t always as they seem; the first appearance deceives many.” Phaedrus, 4th c Roman poet

Well, you guessed it….I fell on the ice and broke my right arm leading to a day in the emergency room, a night in the hospital and a visit to the operating room the next day.

And yet I’m grateful. Grateful for the kind neighbors who stopped in their rush to get to work who lifted my big, old, deaf wet dog into their car and drove me home, the neighbor and friend who drove me to the emergency room, the professional, efficient and kind staff at Suburban Hospital who didn’t treat me like a number or just another careless person. I am so grateful for my husband, Frank, who’s Honey Do List grew exponentially, for thoughtful and attentive kids and for friends who drove me, who cut up my food and washed my hair in the sink and just kept me company.

Be grateful for the little things even when things aren’t  going along with your plan.

Florence Scovel Shinn (New Thought spiritual teacher and metaphysician) wrote almost a 100 years ago in The Game of Life and How to Play It

Today is a day of completion. I give thanks for this perfect day. Miracle shall follow miracle and wonders shall never cease.

And I couldn’t agree more.

I Love REM

February 24, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

I Love REM…. no, not the 90’s band (though I like R.E.M. as well)….. that wonderful anti-aging sleep cycle.

The reason we need 7-8 hours of Ambien free sleep no matter what our age is that we need to go through the natural/normal/why our ancestors went to bed when the sun went down sleep cycles that include REM and N(non)REM (stages 1-4) sleep.

Ambien may seem like your best friend if you’ve had sleep issues but studies have found that it increase NREM cycles and decreases REM cycles.

Why should you care whether you have enough REM cycles or not? REM sleep is when you repair and regenerate.

Think: When I’m awake I degenerate; when I’m asleep I regenerate.

Healing happens during REM. Lack of REM impairs our ability to complete and learn tasks. It is also where we have memorable dreaming. REM is when the information you gathered during the day is put in to context and stored for future use.

And it just isn’t what lack of sleep does on the inside but what it does on the outside. Participants in a 2013 study from University Case Medical Center in Cleveland showed visible signs of aging including reduced skin elasticity, fine lines and uneven pigmentation, slept fewer hours and spent less time in REM sleep

“Take a rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” Ovid

Free Alzheimers Prevention Rx!!!

February 20, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Free Alzheimers Prevention Rx:  GET MORE SLEEP!

Nothing scares me more than Alzheimers. I’ve had too many of my friends having to cope with this devastating disease with their aging parents.

Sleep deprivation causes all sorts of things we don’t want: hair loss, impaired vision and hearing, sexual dysfunction, weight gain.

Why? Sleep and your immune system are intricately entwined.

Not enough sleep leads to increased inflammation. Inflammation can turn on genetic switches…meaning the aging process speeds up. If your mother has/had Alzheimers you may be genetically programmed for Alzheimers at age 70 but if you are sleep deprived that gene could turn on earlier.

Studies indicate that the less you sleep and the worse your sleep patterns are, the more amyloid plaque your brain has. Amyloid plague is a marker for Alzheimers. There is no causal link (yet) between lack of sleep and Alzheimers but we do know lack of sleep causes so many other of the down sides of aging, why not make Sleep a Priority.

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